By Jeeves: Lyrics To The 'Lost' Songs

The lyrics on this page are published with permission by Alan Ayckbourn and should not be reproduced or stored in any form without the permission of the copyright holder.

Deadlier Than The Male

Deadlier Than The Male featured in By Jeeves and was one of the surviving songs, largely unaltered, from Jeeves (where it was called Female Of The Species). It is sung by Stiffy as she cajoles / threatens Bertie to help her with her plans.
Deadlier Than The Male was performed in the world premiere production of By Jeeves at the Stephen Joseph Theatre, Scarborough, and was featured on the original cast recording album. Mid-way through its Scarborough run though, the song was permanently replaced by Love's Maze.

Stiffy:
By some quirk of our genetics
Girls mature more quickly
Which spelt out in plain phonetics
Means that she must wait
'Til the boy she fancies
Starts to see her
As a woman...

When a girl
Finds a lover
If you should cross her you'll soon discover
She can be
Far deadlier than than male.
Don't misread
Her external
Don't ever tangle with the great maternal
She can be
Far deadlier than the male.

Oh's she's a tender thing,
A slight and slender thing,
A bowl of peaches and cream
But lurking deep inside
She'll threaten homicide,
Defending her dream.

Six foot men
Often wonder
How on Earth they finished six feet under.
Thanks to one
Far deadlier than the male.

Though her smile
May excite you.
The tongue can tear you and the teeth can bite you
They can be
Far deadlier than the male.

Avoid provoking her
Far safer stroking her
That's what she really prefers
For just remember that,
Like any alley cat,
She'll kill for what's hers.

Bring her gifts
To surprise her
But God help you if you patronise her,
She'll become
Far deadlier than the male.
Any man
Who betrays her -
He's safer playing with an open razor,
Than with one,
Far deadlier than the male.
She can be far deadlier than the male.

Copyright: Alan Ayckbourn. Please do not reproduce without permission of the copyright holder.